


Death and all Her Friends

by RoguesCorner



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/F, Post-Game, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, dying again and again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 12:23:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19173214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoguesCorner/pseuds/RoguesCorner
Summary: Dying wasn't easy, it took its toll. Technically, Gwen had been dead three times, and each time the days after she relived death over and over again.so you can imagine the kind of stress she is under.





	Death and all Her Friends

**Author's Note:**

> I"LL BE HONEST I wrote this like when the game came out and I haven't touched it or the game since so like oh boy here we go

Dying the first time, wasn’t fun.

Gwen hardly remembered it, the last thing she could recall before everything became a haze was her father's face, then she lost consciousness. At the time, it hadn’t seemed like a big deal, sure she had been clinically dead for a few seconds, but she had lived.

She couldn’t say the same for her dad.

The bad dreams following it hadn’t been too worrisome. Just reliving the few moments from her helmets crack, to the dull blue lights of Sam node over and over before she woke up with a start in the pathfinders quarters, the quarters meant for her father. After her first death, the guilt of her father's death weighed down on her, she paid no attention to the fact that life had left her body for a moment. What kept her up after the dreams were the fuck-ups she made, the fact that she should have watched her step, she shouldn't have fallen, she had to crack her helmet, and he had to be a selfless bastard and try to save her. She made sure to keep her quick death out of the story when she told Wes.

 

The second time she died, the effects lingered.

It had been her choice, Gwen knew she had always been impulsive, but if Wes could have seen her, he would have waited for her to come back alive just to kill her again. At the time, it had been the only option available. The amount of trust she had put into SAM to bring her back and it had never crossed her mind that maybe he couldn’t do it. It didn’t help that she had people depending on her now, people who needed her to be a leader and find them a home and a future.

Dad had always said she had never been one for responsibility.

Lexi had become a helicopter after that, talking with SAM constantly about her condition, watching her every move around the Tempest carefully for the following two weeks. Gwen knew she cared, but the eyes on her became unnerving, she was afraid to sneeze and send the doctor into a panic. The weekly physical and psych evaluations weren't any better.

“No nosebleeds? Headaches? Soreness around your implants?” The doctor asked, taking notes on everything Gwen said.

“I’m fine Lexi, I keep telling you.”

“Yes, sometimes fine isn’t good enough.” She said putting the data pad down. “I do need you to be less reckless.”

“Doc you know who you’re talking to right?” Gwen said, to which Lexi’s only response was a long, exasperated sigh.

“Moving on.” Lexi picked the datapad up again. “Any mental changes? Raised anxiety or changes in mood? Nightmares even?”

“Nothing.”

Lexi paused, quietly humming as she scrolled through the pages she had just written. After an awkward silence between them, she spoke again, not looking up from the datapad.

“You know I know when you’re lying.”

Gwen leaned back in the chair, growing quiet for once.

Lexi somehow always managed to see through her and the crew’s walls. The truth was, no matter how hard she tried to move past it, for the two weeks after her second death most nights became restless and filled with thoughts and dreams were SAM failed. She had woken up in a cold sweat to SAM asking if he should fetch Dr.T’Perro to many times to count.

“Fine if you don’t wanna talk about it,” Lexi said, shaking away the silence of the room. “Come see me if you need any medication to help with anxiety or sleep, dismissed, and send Liam to me, he always tries to hide.”

 

The third time she died, it truly felt like death.

The first time had been in and out, sparks of pain but nothing to remember, the second had been quick and painless, just pinch then nothing. The third time was dragged out, the Archon’s intent to hurt her clear as day.

The whole situation had been a real nightmare, becoming trapped like a helpless animal as the Archon forced his way into her head, her brother clusters away who she had no way to warn, and the rest of Heleus riding on their one shot that she was about to lose. Looking back on it, there wasn’t a way the situation could have gotten worse, except maybe if the whole station had blown up.

In the end, it had all worked out, she had killed Archon, found a home like she was supposed to, but dying left its mark. It took a while to start, when they landed on Meridian she was just so tired that every step she took was heavy and each night that she got the chance to rest was blissful and undisturbed. When it was finally time to return to work and the crew set back out to the stars again, sleep came less often, and when it did it was death all over again.

Vetra saw it, each night she waited up longer than Gwen just in case she woke. The whimpers in her sleep, the twitching in her hands and in her forehead just enough for her to know she wasn’t alright. When the morning came, she never spoke about it, just brushed the fear away and suddenly the chipper and wise-ass Gwen the ship knew came back.

“You know I’m here to talk if you need it,” Vetra mentioned one evening as they sat together on the couch in the pathfinders quarters, Gwen painting her nails as Vetra read the latest reports from Eos. “Meridian was...tough.”

“Vee, you’re starting to sound like Lexi,” Gwen said, another joke, as she started to blow on the paint on her right hand. She never could wait for them to dry on their own.

“Hey. I’m serious.”

Gwen stopped, dropping her hand, careful of the nail polish, and letting it rest on Vetra’s. “I know. I will, eventually, I promise. I just, I don’t want to think about it, not now.”

Eventually came sooner than Gwen had expected. It came as a broken yell in the night as she jumped awake, bright purple hair slicked to the back of her neck, her body shaking uncontrollably from the vivid memory of having the life force out of her again. She hardly felt Vetra as she pulled her back down and into her arms, one hand gently stroking the back of her head. When Gwen spoke, her voice was hardly a whimper.

“I don't want to die again.”


End file.
